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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?